1. If I know you in real life, you're going to get rejected on the basis of damn that would be awkward.
2. I have to know you and generally like you. If I have called you a faggot in the past, it's probably a sign that I consider you a friend and you're welcome to sign up.
3. Honestly, you're going to hate yourself the minute you enter my journal and see that it's a huge waste of time to anyone not named me. If you're friending me on the hopes of finding interesting content, turn back, delete your browsing history, burn your hands off, and drown your children in holy water. Just to be safe, of course.
4. You must be a pedophile with the following interests: long walks on the beach, video games, the internet, and viciously raping me.
Oh, and you have to resist the urge to kill yourself when you see my no doubt awesome manual signature.